After 2 weeks being in the army again after 4months of being a civilian i realise how much i miss home and my family all over again.
Honestly i can cry right now thinking of my family. Life here is much more harder than my previous unit in army. The intensity level here is 3 times more chaotic than my previous unit.
I cant tell the things we do here, from here i bet you will know why. We are constantly in fear of being shouted at right on the face. And the punishment we get here is way more insane than in National Service.
Being a regular is one thing, being in this force is another. Its only two weeks and im just wondering will i ever complete this course? But im not on my breaking point yet. I got around 5 more months left and its really long.
I will try my best, one, this is what i sign up for, i choose this life. So theres no point for me to regret it. I’ve always told myself theres no such thing as regret in life. Because its a choice i made.
Two, im doing this to support my family. I wouldnt wanna dissapoint my family anymore. ANYMORE. I used to messed up when im in school last time. But this time, NO, i will not dissapoint them.
I really just need more strength for this 5months. I really never thought it was this tough. The amount of pressure we get and stuff. But everytime i was in a position where i cant escape, my family will come to my mind. Thats the only thing that will keep me going. I dont have much friends here. Im one of the two muslims here so the click here is not so tight. And i dont really have much friends support outside. But like i said, im doing this for my family and im really happy that they are supporting me in this and i just leave it to God in this. Insha Allah i will go through this.
Im really emotional right now i dont know why. But im gonna be fine.